Although sex is one of the most sensual and intimate experiences that we can share with another person, sometimes situations in bed are so embarrassing that they can take us out of the scene , ruin a night of passion and leave us with honey on our lips before to reach a fabulous orgasm.
And we are not talking about the classic trigger, or about parents (or nosy children) opening the bedroom door in the middle of a sexual battle or discovering “in situ” that your panties could combine with the entire wardrobe of Carmen de Mairena, but they kick each other with your bra
Believe me, there are other situations that are infinitely more embarrassing and fun that respond to a purely biological explanation , but when experienced with a new lover you want to immolate yourself in the act.
Here is a list and some practical advice so that you never have to say EARTH, BRING ME!
The stiffness of the big toe is one of the most common mishaps during orgasm.
1. Vaginal flatulence (or when your vagina decides to beatbox without consulting you).
It is not a joke. This can happen, and more often than one might expect. You’re licking your lips with pleasure, moaning like a kitten, your gazes fixed on each other and your vagina decides to become a box of thunder. Horror.
Causes. The explanation is very simple: air has entered your vagina. Oxygen, nitrogen and argon, as Mecano would say. They are not gases generated by itself nor do they have anything to do with your diet. Nor does it mean that you are excessively dilated during penetration and/or that your partner will not feel pleasure from friction. The “vaginal sounds” can make an appearance when intercourse is prolonged in time, during sexual marathons or if you practice it during menstruation .
Solution. There is no infallible method. In fact, the best thing you could do is brush it off and laugh. But if it happens too often to the point of bothering you and your partner, you should ideally practice Kegel exercises daily (contracting and relaxing the vagina) to improve the tone of your pelvic floor. Also try to avoid four-legged positions (‘doggy style’), where it is easier for air to enter during penetration.
2. Pulled muscles (or when screams of pleasure turn into howls of pain).
Believe it or not, sex is an intense physical activity for the body. Not at the same level as spinning , luckily. But our body responds in a very similar way to physical exercise: muscle tension, vasodilation, increased heart rate, etc. If an athlete can suffer a muscle spasm in the middle of a competition, why couldn’t it happen to us in a night of passion?
Causes. The lack of physical exercise or, on the contrary, the excess of it can trigger muscle cramps outside and inside the bed. Also defying our nature and wanting to become sexual contortionists lead to these small accidents.
Solution. Take foods that contain magnesium and potassium (for example, bananas) and replace the elevator in your building with the stairs. A good physical shape improves our performance in bed.
If your partner loves to improvise with difficult poses for inarticulate beings, fill out the gym registration today!
3. Jaw pain during fellatio (or when your smile freezes).
As much as it sounds like a scene straight out of a teen comedy, there are women who complain of jaw lock and cramps when performing oral sex on their partner.
Causes. Except for serious cases of temporo-mandibular tension where it is advisable to see a doctor, usually the twinges of pain or jerks in the jaw are due to poor technique or posture during fellatio .
Solution. Always choose a comfortable position that allows you to relax your neck (sitting or kneeling, for example). When you feel tired, change your rhythm and movements with your tongue and lips or help yourself with your hands during oral stimulation of the penis.
4. Unidentified odors.
There are many women who go to gynecological consultations worried because their vaginas suddenly give off a very strong aroma during intercourse. Well, whether we like it or not, sex has its own fragrance and although it is not an unpleasant smell , sometimes it is so subtle that we associate it with a lack of hygiene.
5. Between panting and panting, a sneezing attack.
You can have an allergy to latex, spermicide or mites in the sheets if they haven’t been changed in a year, but what about sex? Impossible. However, it is a proven fact that we can suffer from sneezing attacks generated by the sexual response itself or (hallucinates) with the mere fact of fantasizing about it . It’s funny, somewhat surreal, but (as with almost everything related to sex) it also has a scientific explanation.
Causes . The otolaryngologist Mahmood Bhutta and the psychiatrist Harold Maxwell , after studying this subject motivated by its peculiarity, came to the conclusion that ‘sex-sneezing’ is due to a small short-circuit suffered by our Autonomic Nervous System . The SNA is responsible for sexual arousal, but also for involuntary responses such as heartbeat, pupil dilation, and the happy achish! According to this theory, if you start to sneeze in full orgasm, it is because your brain switchboard has collapsed and you are suffering something similar to a line crossing. What should be sensual sighs turn into blasts of wind released from the nose.
Solution. Unfortunately, there is no method to stop a burst of sneezing. To get out of this situation “airy” you only have to resort to ingenuity and a sense of humor. (“Sorry, I’m allergic to cats… Oh, you don’t have any pets? So it must be you, honey, you’re as fierce as a lion.”)
