Those who suffer from delayed ejaculation cannot climax even with enough stimulation to achieve an orgasm.
The American Psychiatric Association defines it as ‘the persistent or recurrent delay, or absence of orgasm during sexual activity after a phase of normal sexual arousal, which is determined in the physician’s judgment according to the area, intensity and duration’.
In other words, delayed ejaculation is the inability to ‘come’ when you want, even after a lot of stimulation and the desire to do so.
Stimulation arrives but ejaculation never, or it arrives after so long, which is synonymous with fatigue for both partners.
With delayed ejaculation, a man has little or no trouble getting and maintaining an erection, but experiences low levels of sexual arousal. With good performance, many sufferers can masturbate to orgasm, while others cannot.
How common is it?
There is a growing certainty that the problem is more common than previously thought. Confidential Internet research suggests that delayed ejaculation may affect 12 percent of men, compared to the 4 percent identified by researchers Masters and Johnson in the mid-20th century.
Part of the difficulty in having an accurate figure is that men are often reluctant to discuss their sexual problems, for fear of being labeled unmanly or unmanly.
But with more open and free discussion on the subject, and with better research and reporting, the frequency of reported delayed ejaculation among men appears to be increasing.
What are the potential physical causes?
Let’s start with the drugs. Alcohol, cocaine, and other drugs can cause temporary delayed ejaculation, as can antidepressants or anxiolytics.
All of them affect the level of serotonin in the brain and therefore the ejaculatory reflex, making it difficult or impossible to have an orgasm during intercourse. Another common cause of delayed ejaculation is a masturbatory ‘character’, this means that we get used to masturbation that involves extreme pressure on the penis, rapid hand movements, ‘rubbing’ with clothing, and other rough penile techniques.
This type of masturbation usually begins in adolescence and from there is gradually conditioned to respond only to extreme sexual stimulation. Therefore, normal stimulation during sexual penetration is not enough to trigger an orgasm.
Furthermore, any surgery, damage, or injury that interrupts the nerve to the genital area, sympathetic or somatic, has the potential to cause delayed ejaculation. This includes injuries to the spinal cord, multiple sclerosis, surgery of the pelvic region, and severe diabetes, among others.
What are the potential mental causes?
Any relationship problem that makes one feel alien or distant from the other could cause delayed ejaculation.
This includes any willingness or reluctance to become sexually involved with another, perhaps caused by resentment and pent-up anger, shame, or guilt.
All of this has the potential to dampen one’s sexual enthusiasm, thus preventing one from reaching the point of arousal that triggers orgasm.
In some cases, delayed ejaculation is simply caused by a lack of attraction towards a partner. Other factors could include past trauma, or a strict religious upbringing in which sex is stigmatized.
Fear of pregnancy and/or anxiety about sexual performance could be triggering factors.
Porn could also be responsible, especially for those who need a lot of fantasy to get turned on. Because for them porn is usually highly stimulating and real sex is not capable of making them reach the same degree of intensity and excitement. So if they are used to porn level stimulation, it will be difficult for them to ejaculate during intercourse.
What can be done?
What to do depends on what causes it, which is often a combination of biological, psychological, relationship, and cultural factors.
It is up to you, your partner and your doctor to find the factors that cause it.
If you are taking antidepressants or anxiolytics and you think they might be the cause of your delayed ejaculation, ask your doctor for other medications that might have less impact on your sexual ability. And then start researching the conditions under which one cannot ejaculate normally. .
Current sexual therapies tend to emphasize the importance of masturbation in the treatment of Delayed Ejaculation.
They are taught, through masturbation or manual stimulation by their partner, to reach higher and higher levels of arousal, with a high combination of ‘Friction and fantasy’.
In others, the focus is on re-practicing masturbation, where masturbation serves as a sexual practice with a real partner, in which sexual fantasies are realigned so that thoughts thought during masturbation match those that occur during sex.