Before inviting someone to a restaurant, the type of food that is put on the table is usually shared. If the same thing were done with sexual preferences, satisfaction in bed would increase exponentially.
Because sex transcends penetration, in fact, it does not require it, and this spectrum accommodates many practices supported by different erotic profiles.
Energetic, sensual, sexual, fetishist or chameleon, these are the five planes that the somatic sexologist Jaiya talks about. “It’s a map of what turns you on and turns you on sexually,” she says. “People speak different erotic languages and we can learn to speak any of them,” she suggested in an interview with the American publication Goop. From this reality and the taboo that continues to accompany conversations about sex, many intimate relationships are frustrated.
The easiest way to know if we are sexually compatible with another person is to talk about it openly.
“Let’s start normalizing talking about sex with the other person, because it would make little sense to meet a lover of sadomasochism if the other person doesn’t like it.” Putting your own inclinations, tastes and the great or little desire to experiment on the table can give clues as to whether sexual encounters will be satisfactory even before getting down to business.
Considering that sex has multiple meanings and interpretations is the first step in assessing a potential sexual candidate. “Sexual compatibility is what occurs between one or more people when there is a sexual encounter and chemistry arises. It would be the game, you would be happy to play ”. This depends on many factors, personal and social characteristics that go through the education and character of the person. In practice: “If we base ourselves on the fact that sex is a game, compatibility would be that all the players are having a good time and are free, because freedom begins with sexuality,” continues the psychotherapist and teacher.
Let’s normalize talking about sex: it would make little sense to meet a lover of sadomasochism if the other person doesn’t like it…
Sexologists recommend having a broad vision regarding sexual practices.
Having a broad vision regarding sexual fantasies makes it possible, on the one hand, to have sufficient records to know one’s own inclinations and tools to communicate them. “Sex is not penetration. It is not the only thing, it is a part or not. If penetration were the only thing, we would be excluding a large part of active people. In most cases, in the first personal encounters there is no penetration. People are much happier outside of that script than most have been led to believe. It is necessary to normalize that a full sexual life without penetration is possible”.
What turns you on sexually?
The lack of sexual education is one of the obstacles to identify compatibility with a potential lover. If the spark that activates the pleasure engine is not identified, finding a compatible partner is in the hands of chance. “Most people don’t know themselves erotically or don’t know how to ask for what they want. I have seen it around 63% of people”, commented Jaiya in the aforementioned interview.
Luckily, ignorance of one’s own eroticism has a solution. “To know what we like and what we don’t, you have to try a lot. Not only with others, also on an individual level. I invite all people, whether they have a partner or not, to masturbate, buy toys, watch movies, read books and try it, because this is how they will clarify what they like or dislike”.
The sexual typologies
A couple plays sexual games with the computer in a hotel room
Returning to Jaiya’s classification and with a broad perspective on sex, there are people for whom the more conventional definition works and others who are turned on by less literal aspects. For example, the sensual type activates his eroticism from the senses, be it smell, touch or taste, while the fetishist is turned on by taboo. “The energetic type is someone who is stimulated by anticipation, space, anticipation, longing, desire. You can be an energetic if you feel everything that happens before the kiss, ”Jaiya stated in the aforementioned text.
For its part, the chameleon is a typology that is comfortable in all of the above. These are not watertight departments, these types tend to be combined with some predominance. The important thing here is to recognize preferences, limits and have the ability to adapt the language to that of the sexual partner. Therein lies compatibility. If one of the parties enjoys penetration and the other enjoys the entire sensory spectrum prior to it, or an agreement is reached or incompatibility is served.
“The success of most dating apps is that they are very specialized. A BDSM lover will go to a specific app because the probability of finding a like-minded person will be much higher than in a search for a partner. If we want sex we have to talk about sex, if we want love we have to talk about love. Let’s not mix”.