There’s no secret, unwritten lesbian code for when “sex” has happened. That’s pretty much left up to individuals to define for themselves. Different people might have different criteria. Was genital contact involved?
Did one or both (or more) people have an orgasm? Was there oral sex? For many, one or more of these activities might signal that a line has been crossed from “making out” to “sex.” However, this isn’t universally true.
The fact that there is no clear definition of what “sex” is can be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, lesbians and other women who have sex with women are not as closely bound by traditional definitions of sex and have more freedom to play, experiment and make things up as they go along. On the other hand, not having that unspoken, mutually agreed-upon definition of sex can cause discord between partners if they don’t communicate clearly about when, how and with whom they want to participate in certain types of sexual activities, and what those activities mean to them and their relationships.
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