We tend to have monogamous relationships. At least in the face of society we maintain a normative and conventional behavior. Another thing is the sexual behaviors that we develop behind closed doors, which can sometimes exceed the socially imposed limitations.
The so-called paraphilias are atypical patterns of sexual behavior with objects, situations, activities or individuals. And cuckolding is one of them.
The excitement you feel when you see or hear your partner having sex with a third person
It refers to the excitement that a person feels when seeing or hearing their partner having sexual relations with a third person. In turn, the spoiled person enjoys having sex with the approval of her partner.
It is one of the many variants of consensual non-monogamy (CNM), a term used to describe all those relationships in which couples have the freedom -previously tacitly approved- to explore sexual intimacy with other people and which is currently conceived as a way to rekindle the flame between stable couples.A couple begins to have sex.
Therefore, cuckolding is not infidelity and it is not the same as polyamory or swinging. Unlike polyamory, there is no loving bond that conditions the sexual relationship, which is conceived as a tool to obtain pleasure and excitement.
In contrast to the swinger philosophy, which consists of the active exchange of partners by both members of the relationship, in cuckolding only one of the parties consummates the sexual act. The other only observes: the pleasure lies precisely in staying outside the scene.
In the development of this type of practice, jealousy, reproaches or any other claim should not appear, since if it entails more problems than benefits for the couple, it will be necessary to decide how to move forward or, ultimately, put an end to the practice of cuckolding. .
As the psychologist specialized in sexology and couples therapy Marina Castro explains, when (let’s say for example without limiting it) a conventional heterosexual man dares to visualize his wife having extramarital affairs and, very possibly encouraging her to do so, he is exercising a double transgression of social norms: on the one hand, he is seeing himself as a ‘cuckold’, but at the same time he is in full control of his infidelity, so his fantasies no longer have that aura of the forbidden and are enjoyed as complicit activity.
The practice of cuckolding supposes a double transgression by the one who consents
In addition to the erotic charge, explains Marina, there is another reason, perhaps not so obvious, and that is that “the existing social pressure to please the partner is lightened.” At that moment there is only room for the visual stimulus of observing the other enjoying sexuality.
The reason why this type of behavior develops has been the subject of numerous studies and theories, of which we briefly summarize below.
Sperm competition theory
It refers to the behavior that ancestrally used by the males of each species to get the favor of the females, trying to position themselves above other males.
Although we normally attribute it to the animal kingdom, in this case it is of special application. In the sexual encounter it can be an incentive for greater vigor during intercourse.
Compersion is an empathic state of happiness and delight experienced when another individual experiences happiness in turn. Applied to relationships, it opposes the feeling of jealousy, since it is a positive feeling. Experts say that it is present in all kinds of consensually non-monogamous relationships.
The pleasure generated by doing something wrong or that society condemns is the incentive behind many behaviors that break the norm.
Life history theory
According to some studies carried out by scientists from the University of Oakland and South Carolina in the USA, this behavior would be justified based on the physical or social challenges that are imposed on the individual during their vital development.