Good morning. I have always been very insecure in bed, with sex. I have never known how I should behave, what is correct, how I should feel, if my body is fine…

Many times I feel very complex about my genitals, I feel that they are ugly and I am ashamed. All this means that I don’t relax, that I don’t get to enjoy sex. I don’t think the type of men I’ve met have helped either, because they’ve only dedicated themselves to their pleasure, to intercourse all the time and when they’ve finished, well, that’s it. I would like to know if this is normal or what should I do. Thank you very much for your attention and response.HorizontalMany women still talk little about their sexuality and have doubts about whether what they feel is “normal”.

In consultation I meet many women who doubt whether their sexuality and their body is “normal” . They feel that they don’t talk about their orgasms, their tastes, their vulvas, etc. And they also don’t know where to look for information or if the data they find is reliable.

Birchbox, a beauty company, has surveyed more than 10,900 women to obtain information about the sexual habits and preferences of Spanish women . They have passed a complete questionnaire from which data have been extracted that can give a certain image, some brushstrokes at least, of what female sexuality is like.

The data

68% of the more than 10,000 women consulted have faked an orgasm

From the results of this survey it is clear, for example, that 61% of women need direct stimulation of the clitoris to reach orgasm. And 68%, more than two thirds of the more than ten thousand women consulted!, confess that they have faked an orgasm on some occasion.

On the other hand, five out of ten women state that they masturbate at least once a week , and 52% of Spanish women use sex toys.

Given these data, what is most surprising is that we continue to see a very high percentage of women who fake orgasms. Many continue to deceive with their pleasure. Why?

The reasons

47% say they do it so as not to make their partner feel bad. 37% for ending the relationship as soon as possible. And 31% argue that they pretend to eroticize the situation.

The figures continue to show that there is little knowledge about the female body, about her sexuality and about how to achieve pleasure and orgasm. They also tell us that women continue to feel pressure to please men in heterosexual relationships.HorizontalThree out of ten women “fake” orgasm with their heterosexual partner to give the situation more eroticism

Given these data, we should reflect and understand that we are not doing something right. Perhaps the first step is to have information. And the second, learning to communicate in bed, not doing what you have to do or what seems like you should do it, but what you want and like.

Continuing with the “x-ray” of the female sex offered by the study carried out by Birchbox – in collaboration with the erotic toy firm Platanomelón – the clitoris continues to emerge as the winner to reach the climax. This diverts us from coitocentrism and should lead us to pay more attention to the clitoris as an organ of pleasure .

On the other hand, when there is oral sex, caresses, kisses, manual stimulation, etc., the probability of orgasm in a woman grows exponentially in comparison with a sexual relationship oriented only to penetration.

The probability of orgasm grows exponentially if oral sex, manual stimulation, kisses are combined…

There are also still 37% of women who say that they reach orgasm much more easily on their own, and who feel that the sexual partner does not stop to get to know their body and their tastes to enjoy more in relationships.

This brings us to the role that masturbation plays . More than half of the respondents self-stimulate at least once a week, and most prefer to do it at night. Three out of four say they masturbate for simple pleasure. Almost a third say they do it to relax and 12% to fall asleep. Another 11% opt for self-pleasure to feel happier.Horizontal37% of women say that they reach orgasm better by masturbating than by having sex with a partner.

There are more and more women, therefore, who take care of their own pleasure and deepen their sexuality . But the pending journey is still long. With these data we observe that in heterosexual encounters there are still important shortcomings to be solved, and that at the individual level there are still many women disconnected from their sexuality.

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