When we talk about sex in public, most of us fall silent, look down, and start to stutter. However, when Esther Perel does it, we find ourselves before an eloquent, passionate and very clear message.
In today’s post we are going to talk about this woman of Belgian origin, best-selling author and speaker who is currently considered the most influential sex guru in the United States and in much of Western culture.
The mental mechanisms of sex
It was in 2006 when Esther Perel published one of her most acclaimed and best-selling books, “Mating in Captivity”, which we could translate as “Mating in captivity”. And since then her fame has only grown to become the main reference in matters of sexuality and relationships, as well as other types of personal fulfillment. This author usually combines her literary work with a series of debates that take place in the most luxurious hotels in the United States and among these conferences we can find such suggestive topics as “The secret of a long-term relationship” or “How to want what you already you have”.
Unlike other sex gurus of the past, such as Dr. Ruth Westheimer, who had to speak about these issues in an environment that was not conducive to it, Esther Perel has had the enormous fortune of living in a highly sexualized society. Therefore, he does not have the need to speak as explicitly as his predecessors did and instead prefers to highlight other aspects of sex that until now had not been dealt with in depth, such as the mental mechanisms that put us a hundred, those elements that are in our subconscious and that make us feel unspeakable things for someone.
The erotic of the mystery
As Perel herself said in one of her last conferences, currently being cheeky does not excite anyone. However, the mystery continues to be one of the most exciting elements that exist in any sexual relationship and the author proposes a series of recipes that are capable of resurrecting the love life of any couple. And what does she say?
Well, this sex guru warns us that many people seek total comfort and intimacy in their relationships and that this sometimes causes sexual predisposition to be at a minimum. And it is that “intimacy becomes excessively cruel when it avoids any type of innovation in bed.”
When there’s nothing left to hide, there’s nothing left to discover
For thousands of couples in therapy, the above message was little more than a revelation. And it is that Perel proposed the difference between eroticism and affection and warned of the damage that all this excess of security was having in relationships, a kind of domestication of the human being in those aspects related to sex, which prevent us from fulfilling ourselves and experiencing new sensations.
One of the characteristics of this author is that she almost never offers answers, but instead proposes ideas so that each one can then take the ones they like and put them into practice. And without a doubt, that ability that she has to transmit them frankly and directly has a lot to do with the success she has had.
The beginnings of a sex guru
Muchos de sus seguidores posiblemente se sorprenderían al descubrir que Esther Perel es una “recién llegada” a este mundo del sexo, de hecho solo hace 10 años que comenzó a escribir sobre tales temas. Sus inicios los encontramos en el trabajo con parejas de distintas culturas, razas y religiones, un tema muy controvertido para comenzar pero que sin duda le dio una enorme fama.
Hija de padres polacos que sobrevivieron al Holocausto, Perel estudió en la Universidad Hebrea de Amberes y en aquella época comienza su experiencia con las parejas interreligiosas. Como ella misma dice muy orgullosa: “Llevo generando debates desde los 19 años”.
When she reached the age of 40, this author began to be interested in alternative therapies, such as those that are based on the most expressive facet through art, taking it as an intellectual challenge. It was a matter of time before she also began to explore a whole series of new lines of investigation that finally led to this issue of sexuality. A way “to be alive” as she tells us.
The most exclusive clients
To this day, Perel continues to serve new clients, but of course, with the huge waiting list she has, she can afford to choose the ones she wants. In this sense, she is currently giving priority to all those people who have had an episode related to infidelity, which will not in vain be the subject of her next book.
And what is your position on this? Well, on the one hand, she sympathizes with those who have suffered from this problem and, on the other, she shows the most provocative facet of him, siding with those who caused the infidelity. For the most famous sex guru of the moment, infidelity does not necessarily imply a relationship problem, sometimes it simply has to do with other issues that fully enter the existential plane. And it is that perhaps one seeks new experiences not because he dislikes the person with whom she shares her life, but because what he really dislikes is what she has become.
And here is today’s entry, where we have talked about Esther Perel, one of the most famous writers in the world and possibly the most influential sex guru in our society. Someone who doesn’t mind being misunderstood if this is capable of provoking a debate and whose only goal in life, besides earning a lot of money, is to feel that she is doing something good for the world.