I have always said that orgasm is a good side effect of sexual intercourse. It is the result of a combination of physical and psychological variables including relaxation, excitement and concentration.
It is important to be clear that orgasm is not an end or an objective; It doesn’t even depend on your will because it’s an autonomous process that you can’t control, come on, it just appears. It is precisely because they cannot have orgasms and want to control this desire at will that many people go to see a sexual health professional.
In my sessions this type of conversation is very common:
– I come because I want to have orgasms and I can’t.
– Okay. Well, the more you want, the less orgasms you will have.
– Of course, the more you wait for the arrival of the orgasm, the more anxiety you generate, the less you relax and the less it appears. Anxiety is the number one enemy of sexual relations. (And then I start explaining things about the nervous system that I’ll tell you about another day, and the person is amazed and takes home many things to reflect on).
Why do we fake orgasms?
The fact is that between whistles and flutes (never better said), we began to share myths and truths about sexual relations and the climax . And that’s when phrases like “have I ever had to fake pleasure or orgasms” appear. Aww folks! With the church we have run into!
It is true that faking orgasms is very associated with women and, although this happens, it does not always and exclusively happen in women. For you to get rid of this prejudice, you have to know that there is something surprising that happens more than you think: men also fake orgasms . Just like desire has nothing to do with sex or gender, it turns out neither does faking it.
And why, in general, do we feign pleasure that we do not feel? Well, in general, because of the ideas about how sex and sexual relations that we have in our heads should be. And why do men in particular pretend? Due to the influence of the masculine sexual stereotype .
Openly acknowledging that a man is pretending breaks with the stereotype of “man” associated with the sexual sphere, which would be something like this: “A person with a penis who is very determined in bed just because he is a man, whose sexual satisfaction, typically associated with orgasm, is paramount and necessary in all encounters for herself and for her partner, for whom she also takes responsibility because she is a man and she is supposed to comply”.
For a man whose sexual self -esteem is sustained by a masculine sexual stereotype, sexual performance and therefore success as a man implies taking responsibility for his own pleasure and, if possible, for his partner’s as well. For this reason, he seeks to have meetings in which the topics are fulfilled, to keep his sexual self-esteem well up. The moment this does not happen, it collapses, the situation repeats itself and repeats itself, and that is when the probability of faking pleasure increases (and other sexual problems may even appear). It is better to look like a macho man in hand than to admit that you have a problem and communicate it quickly, right?
On the other hand, I consider that pretending, in general, is counterproductive and only brings low sexual desire, disappointment, frustration and vicious circles of lies from which it is very difficult to get out.
Causes that can lead to faking sexual intercourse:
Due to tiredness
A person can get physically tired or “bored” even with an encounter (this is not bad, it can happen to anyone), and it is not necessary to lie, right?
Due to unrealistic expectations
Possibly also associated with the masculine role in sexuality and by a very entrenched myth in the social group that says that for a sexual relationship to be satisfactory it has to culminate in an orgasm. As you well know, this does not have to be so. Sex can be enjoyed in many ways; Satisfaction is a variable that is too broad and complicated to view meetings from such a reductionist perspective.
For having desires different from those of their partners and not expressing them
It is much easier to guess or read the mind than to communicate, where it is going to stop. Note the irony. Talk to your partner, don’t be afraid to express what you want or what you don’t like.
How does a man fake orgasms?
The star question Because of course, how can a man fake an orgasm? To begin with, it is necessary to know that in most men, orgasm is physiologically associated with ejaculation . So it is possible that, if he uses a condom, he removes it long before he realizes that he has ejaculated. If he does it without a condom, it’s more complicated for him, of course, but if the lubrication is very abundant it can also be confused with ejaculation.
It is also possible that the person has a real orgasm dissociated from the ejaculatory reflex and this does not imply that they are faking it, just as it is also possible that the person enjoys the encounter a lot and due to physiological factors that have nothing to do with the pleasure itself. the orgasm does not appear (another thing is that the person pretends that there is).
Oh what a mess! The best? Whatever happens, don’t pretend; Or what is the same: do not lie, because in the long run it is worse.