Ahem. The year is 2022. This means that we, as powerful women who channel most of Lizzo’s energy, don’t need to cater to men in the way that ’50s sitcoms may have once alluded to, especially when it comes to sex. .

What I just want to say is: lose the regressive trope of needing to please your man, and only your man, because that’s outdated and totally unnecessary.

If you’re having sex with a partner, it’s just as important to consider your pleasure as it would be to consider your partner’s. Do what feels good and do anything that can lead you to a really powerful orgasm.

1. He wants to “make love” too.

Yes, sex is great and all, but so is a more intimate physical connection with a partner you really love. Sexologist and sex therapist Shamyra says that in her practice, she’s found that while the term “making love” isn’t often initiated by men, they usually bring it up after their partner brings it up first. After getting the corny stigma of “making love” as a term, Shamyra says these men really want to make love, like having sex slower, more intentionally, and with more passion.

2. He wants you to initiate sometimes.

One of the most common complaints Shamyra hears in couples therapy is that men in heterosexual relationships feel that they often have to initiate sexual relations with their partners. “Men like to be seduced, they like to feel desired and attractive ,” says Shamyra. “Initiating sex sends the message to your man that you want him, which gives him a huge confidence boost.”

3. He wants you to make noise if you like it.

“If you’re a screamer, scream. Don’t hold back your moans, screams and grunts of pleasure ,” says Shamyra. “Men love to hear this, it’s erotic and it really turns them on . ” Not to mention, it’s freeing for you, too. Don’t stop if you’re really feeling it in the moment; It’s like communicating, only sexier.

4. He wants you to be active.

“A lot of men like to have sex with women who are actively involved ,” says Shamyra. Being actively engaged just means timing her movements with your own movements, squeezing your hips together, and flexing your PC muscles (the muscles that run from your pubic bone to your tailbone). These are all things you can do from whatever position you are in at the moment.

You can also use your hands to squeeze your guy’s arms and pull his body closer to yours, or use your lips to explore his body more; all these movements will let him know that you love action.

5. He wants you to communicate.

This goes from both of you because he should also be expressing his wishes with you. But a partner who can explain exactly how she wants to be touched is endlessly sexy and also helps him offer some honesty.

6. He wants different positions.

If you’re a couple who missionaries in bed a few nights a week, it might be possible for both you and your partner to crave something different from time to time. After all, part of the reason something like hotel sex is so appealing is because humans crave novelty. No one is suggesting you step out of your comfort zone just to please a guy, but hey, if you get the idea that it might be hot to have him turn you around and come back at you against the kitchen counter…well…then… do that.

7. He wants you to take charge.

Imagine sex is like a group project and you’re obviously very interested in getting a good grade (…or orgasming). Everyone in your group may just be talking, but when it’s 3am the night before the delivery and you’re not really close to that 10, you may need to take control if you really want it to happen.

So take charge. Show him the moves you use to please yourself when you’re alone and let him into the fantasy. She’ll love the idea of ​​her own private show, and she’ll be learning exactly what it takes to make you cum. Honestly, this is basically investing in your future orgasms.

8. He wants you to be direct.

While he may act like he knows exactly what’s going on, no one wants *less* direction in bed. Save the ambiguity for pre-action sexting , and don’t be afraid to ask for what you really want.

If you’re worried about offending him (trust me, you won’t), just focus on the positive to tell him what you are and aren’t into. Don’t be afraid to say, “Ehh, that’s not doing anything for me,” but “I really liked it when you were doing this before” will also help send a message. Positive reinforcement always works wonders.

“Tell him how good it feels when he does something right or remind him of a technique that always works for you ,” suggests Gloria Brame, PhD, a sex therapist in Georgia. “If he’s not giving you enough foreplay, ask him to use his hand or mouth to warm you up, saying you want to heighten the experience.”

9. He wants all the pictures.

For guys, what they see is almost as good as what they get, so make sure you watch it if you feel it too. “Once, during sex, my girlfriend took me to a mirror so we could see ourselves in action ,” recalls Tyler, 21. “I found it really sexy, but what made it hotter was how enthusiastic she was.”

10. He wants you to feel confident about what you like in bed.

Being open about what you like, even if you’re worried about what someone else might think, is the best way to connect with each other (in bed). Don’t be embarrassed that he thinks it’s “weird” that you need a vibrator to get off. 

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