Lately I’ve been having a lot of erotic fantasies. It never happened to me. I had always had the feeling that it was difficult for me to imagine and I did not know my tastes or preferences very well.

Thanks to erotic reading I have discovered a new part of myself and I am liking that. The problem is that I have a partner and I don’t know how to live with her or how to treat it. I have a thousand doubts about it and I don’t know where to start. I would like a little help. Thank you.HorizontalHaving a threesome is one of the most common sexual fantasies, especially among men.

To be a great ally or an enemy, depending on what we allow ourselves or not. Therefore, by getting to know ourselves a little better and discovering new parts of our sexuality , a thousand doubts can arise in this regard. I am going to ask the most common questions that I find myself in consultation when we talk about erotic fantasies .

1. Why do we have erotic fantasies?

Fantasies are ideas or thoughts that put our sexual creativity into play. The ability to fantasize is very healthy .

All human beings have had a fantasy at some time and nine out of ten people tend to fantasize regularly . Sexual fantasy begins to awaken at puberty and accompanies us for the rest of our lives. It allows us to escape from reality, fulfill certain desires in our minds and, therefore, many times it seems that the fantasies we have go against our values ​​and beliefs . In the world of fantasies there are no rules.HorizontalNine out of ten people use to fantasize in a habitual way. 

2. What is the line between desire and fantasy?

One thing is erotic desire and another is sexual fantasy . Fantasy is not built to happen in reality, desire is. As I have previously commented, it is one thing to imagine robbing a bank and another very different thing is wanting to rob a bank. In our day to day and in more everyday aspects we very easily differentiate what is imagination or thought of desire

3. What are the most common fantasies among men? And among women?

There are many studies on the most typical fantasies in each sex, but we must start from the idea that fantasies are very personal and we can never get to know the veracity of the data.

If we talk about men , they seem to like more the visual aspects, the action, and they tend to take more active roles. Typical fantasies are:HorizontalThe important thing before putting our fantasies into practice is to know our own limits and those of our partner. 

• Remember things that you have already done with your partner or that you would like to do with your partner.

• Imagine a meeting with a well-known or famous person.

• Make a movie making a threesome.

• Seeing being seen having sex.

• Aggression-dominance roles versus submission roles.

• Having sex in prohibited places.

• Role playing games.

Women tend to be more imaginative, emotional and romantic. They give more importance to the plot and tend to choose a more passive role. Typical fantasies are:

• Remember sexual scenes with the partner.

• Imagine a sexual encounter with a well-known or famous person.

• Trying something new or forbidden such as being tied up, sex in a public place, or group sexuality.

• Relive a past sexual experience.

• Make love in a romantic and idyllic way.

• Being forced to have a sexual relationship.HorizontalWomen have more imaginative and emotional fantasies. 

4. Should couples share such erotic fantasies or dreams?

Fantasies are a very delicate and personal field that, of course, can enrich and benefit the sexual relationship as a couple : they can increase arousal, they can be narrated during the sexual act by staging them, and some can even become reality. But at the same time it is important to have our sexual intimacy .

5. Are they a symptom of a healthy sexual life?

Fantasizing you can live experiences that you may not be able to or do not want to live in real life. The more fantasizing is practiced, the easier it is to trigger the sexual response and, therefore, achieve sexual pleasure and well-being.HorizontalRole-playing games are one of the recurring fantasies among men. 

Fantasies are one more aspect of sexuality, they help us to get to know ourselves, to break the prohibitions, to stand up to taboos and, above all, they improve our sexual life, our self-esteem and our personal attractiveness. We must remember that the best aphrodisiac is in our mind, because as we already know, the brain is the main sexual organ.

6. Why do you decide to carry out a fantasy or not?

The convenience of making sexual fantasies come true depends on each person, their intimacy and the way they lead their sexual life. Making a fantasy come true can have wonderful results, but in some cases it can be traumatizing , since once it materializes it can lose a certain degree of intensity compared to when it only happens in our minds. We must bear in mind that within our mind we are in control and we can idealize everything that pleases us.

7. If that fantasy is with someone other than your partner, should it be considered cheating?

This is not an easy question, far from it, since it sparks a very interesting debate about limits. Experts in the field speak of infidelity or deceit when there is conduct . Thought is free and so is our ability to fantasize. It is very different to think than to do. Furthermore, thought does not mean actual desire.HorizontalFantasies can improve life as a couple but at the same time it is important to have our sexual intimacy.

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